Response to Billy's Story

Problems:

1.      Jack shows up in a graveyard alone and unarmed to return the dog and get peace, while he knows that the mafia boss is a psychopath.

2.      The gunfight just begins without any reason or forebode.

3.      One of Jack’s friends is carrying a white rabbit when he is shooting.

4.      Marty is taking notes during the gunfight and did not get injured.

5.      Kaya just wanders in during the gunfight to say sorry and she loves Marty, and she’s got killed. Billy says her head does come off.

6.      The Mafia boss’s head exploded after being shot with an arrow.

7.      The story ends with all the people are died except Marty and Hans, but the animals are both survived.

8.      Every character in Billy’s story is simple and not thoughtful.

To fix the problems, I want the characters in this story become more complex and have more contact with each other, to make the story plots more reasonable. In new story, Jack gets the Mafia boss’s dog and asks him to release Marty’s girlfriend Kaya who is kidnapped by Mafia boss. They make a deal and Jack agrees to meet Mafia boss in a graveyard tonight. He also asks some of his friends include Marty and Hans to come together with him in case of emergency. However, something unexpected does happen. The Mafia boss is inconsistent, and he just shows unsatisfied to the deal they already made, and disagree to give Kaya back even if they will return his favorite puppy Bonny. He is overbearing and impatient, and since Jack and Marty not allow him to break his promise, he gets really angry and orders his men to kill then all. So the gunfight begins. Jack and his friends are not afraid. They are very brave and they fight back. Marty is the smartest one of them that he observed the overall structure of this graveyard and brings his notes here. With the help of notes, he presumes the most possible place the Mafia hide his girlfriend Kaya, and he finds her successfully. Kaya is also a clever and calm girl. She distracted the people who monitoring her by persuading them to help their associates who are fighting with Jack and his friends. And she gets out eventually when Marty came to find her. They escape, but right before they reach a safe place, the Mafia boss noticed them. “Don’t try to escape from me!” He lifts the gun and aims at them. A gunshot rings out. But the Mafia boss falls down slowly. And they see Jack in behind, who still looks tense with a gun in the hand. This is a successful rescue, Jack finally gets to save his best friend Marty’s girlfriend. He sets Bonny free before they leave the graveyard, which he believes is a right way to get peace.